# 503 urban city birds

"Spontaneous City" installation by artist duo London Fieldworks

# 432 GOLDMÄDCHEN IS 4 YEARS OLD !!

(first a little update on how my life looks like at the moment:)

The last few weeks have been crazy.

Finally I got all the money and my shit together and returned to London. Oh, how I've missed that beautiful beast of a city and how excited I was about how everything would turn out for us. Will I find work? Where will I live? Why the fuck is the housing market so irritating here?

And here I am now sharing a room with my best friend in a squat in the heart of Brixton and keeping my head over water with a mixture of savings and weird one-off craigslist jobs, haha.
Our walls are full of graffiti, our kitchen is full of skipped chocolate croissants and our house always full of crazy Spanish people and chaos (in a good way though. Yes, squatters are fully capable of keeping their homes tidy.)

Occasionally we had to live a few weeks without electricity which was funny first with candle light in the living room, much wine and playing the guitar, "back to the roots", blah blah. But in the end it got such a pain in the ass. I'm really glad all that is solved now.

So with all this shit going on I completely forgot: it was my blog's birthday beginning of December. Not a worldshaking event indeed, I know but 4 years of blogging now already, wow.

Whenever you, my dear readers, feel the urge to share a few words with me, thoughts, questions, suggestions, submissions, love letters or death wishes send them to:  
goldblog@gmx.de or formspring

# 383 favourite detail about my morning routine

thank you, dear stoner, whose house i pass every morning taking my host child to school, for always smoking a good-morning-spliff and brightening up my day that early with the sweet scent of mary jane. ;)

(p.s.: wow, i fell in love. in a photographic kind of way. there was this boy at this afterparty which went on forever (until saturday 19:30) and was really relaxed and interesting. i like his face and hair so much. i hope i'll meet him again soon when i have my camera with me. i want to take a picture of him and the others so badly before i leave. enjoying my last few weeks in london by the way. it's still amazing and offering me so much.)

# 377 phantomschmerzen

i love my friends to bits.

# 373 big city blues

i'm just so fed up with those "personality one night stands".
it's always the same: i go out. i meet someone really interesting. the conversations often are funny, mind-expanding, different, sometimes even intimate. but then - whoosh. the rush goes on.
there's this huge amount and variety of people here and it's so easy to connect with them but it's very easy to lose them as well. out of sight, out of mind.

since i came here i felt like alice in wonderland somehow. it's like a giant sit com or freak show around me sometimes and i find it very amusing. that's what i love about london. it never gets boring, it keeps challenging you by constantly throwing different situations and personalities in your face, one weirder than the other.

but after all those months i got a bit dizzy of the spin.
it's hard to be opened and completely yourself in a city like london. i have the feeling i've put way too much effort and energy in people sometimes. i strip down my soul in front of nearly everyone and most of them still keep their masks on or play mind games. it's tiring...

i definitely need a break soon. you can't imagine how much i look forward to have a few friends over for a week very soon. it will be like a little therapy session for me to have people around that i am so close to, where i can relax and just collapse into their arms.

because it frightens me a bit what have become of me. i feel very tense and insecure and tired.
the other day someone told me he was worried because he and his friends noticed that i'm way too paranoid and very quiet and that doesn't sound like me at all.

# 364 what a charmer!

when i was chilling on a bench at a park today, apparently not looking my best, a stranger walked up to me, said "you're the prettiest homeless girl i've ever seen. here, take this." and handed me a 5 pound note. i was kind of perplexed and before i could even say anything and clear up that misunderstanding he rushed off with a smile. that was the strangest compliment ever, haha.

# 361 sebastian, you sexy motherfucker

wow london, i literally adore you. it is fascinating how i end up with completely different personalities and circumstances on every night out and find it amazing every single time. it just never gets boring.

 so the playground fest was a complete success. sebastian did a great job. he always smokes like a chimney during his sets and there was this incredibly cool moment at the very beginning of his set when he hadn't lit one yet and some people started throwing cigarettes on the stage for him to smoke. he just picked them up nonchalantly and blew the crowd a small kiss. he's such a badass, haha.
also borgore had quite a cool show with the pole dancers on each side of the stage.

in the smoking area i met a guy with whom i spent hours and hours of talking mostly about music, complaining about skrillex and philosophising whether hip hop is dead or not. after we got kicked out by the security because the place was closing already, our pupils still wide as fuck, we weren't really in the mood to go home. it was such a beautiful, sunny morning so we chilled at a park and got high with some random people instead. perfect way to end an interesting night.

# 355 central london's architecture

i love how london doesn't have a proper sky line. it looks so random and beautifully chaotic.

# 346 back in town

hi london.
i'm back, darling. i have to admit that i missed you quite a lot actually. can't you just spit out some people that are as lovely as my friends back home? that would make everything easier. i mean i've met some pretty decent people already but noone who really "touched" me. and all that a bit quicker please, i'm not very patient. thanks, love.
(p.s.: i know that this is pointless and you'll play around with me anyway, you cheeky cunt. i guess i'll meet the best people ever right before i have to leave or something, haha)

so yeah, at the moment i feel quite homesick because my holidays were just perfect and i realized how much i need those people in my life. otherwise, i'm irrevocably and madly in love with london. and that's why i'll stop whining now because i only have a few months left and i should enjoy them.

# 341 toyin ibidapo exhibition

a few weeks ago i went to a small photography exhibition. it was just a tiny room but i really liked the photos. in some of them intimate moments were captured, in others it was simply nice to look at the handsome boys. and i especially liked the way the photos were exhibited and arranged in those vintage frames on the couch tables and cupboards, it looked more like a cosy room full of youth memories.

look at those lovely details. the boy in the photo wears some kind of "ninja headband" and she hung some nunchakus next to the picture.

check out her blogs: 

http://toyinblindmice.blogspot.co.uk/

http://toyinblindmicetoyinibidapo.blogspot.co.uk/

# 335

on saturday i danced to hip hop like a ghetto bitch in a club on the 7th floor from where you had a very nice view of the city and the london eye. it was fun.

tonight i'm meeting up with a friend. "Keep Thursday night free,i'll take you somewhere interesting" he told me. i'm excited.

# 330 balloons, smoke and sick tunes

i went to this gloomy underground rave last saturday.

it was my first one and took place in a very shabby abandoned bar which you could enter through a backyard.
they had a balloon bar where you could buy laughing gas trips and the air was filled with smoke and the smell of weed. i spent most of the time sitting on the dirty floor and rocking back and forth like a mad person to heavy bass tunes in the second room which was not very crowded and entirely dark apart from the faint light coming from the dj's mac.

in the middle of the event there was some trouble going on outside. some guys weren't allowed to come in so they freaked out, kicked and slammed against the walls and smashed the windows (which were boarded up with wood from inside luckily). the music stopped and all you could hear were those incredibly loud bangs and the people crowded together and started to panick a little. but after a few minutes everything was quiet again and the party went on until the morning in peace.

# 328 street art in shoreditch

[photos by me]

# 316

ich bin ein lausiger schlechter einfluss.

ab und zu häng ich hier mit einem afghanen rum. da er (vorher) streng gläubiger muslime war, hatte er noch nie irgendwas in richtung alkohol oder anderes zeug ausprobiert. als ich ihm eines tages erzählte, dass ich ab und zu gerne mal 'ne tüte rauche, besorgte er mir was und wir rauchten zusammen einen, während er sich kontinuierlich die lungen aus dem leib hustete. (aber nichts spürte. die typische anfangsimmunität.)

letztens schrieb er mich dann an: "i want to try alcohol. can you teach me how to drink?" :D :D
gesagt, getan. wir trafen uns in einer dreckigen wohnung in einem zwielichtigen stadtteil, er brachte martini extra dry und noch mehr gras mit. nach einer stunde hockte ich da superbreit und ziemlich angetrunken aufm sofa, während er immer noch einen recht professionellen eindruck machte.
ich bin so schlecht! :D

# 314 the lunatics are in my head

saturday morning when i was walking home from a club a man walked up to me and offered me 50 pounds to show up with him at work and act as if i was his girlfriend, give him a hug and leave again.

a few weeks ago i was on the bus when 2 women came running and just got on the bus on time. they sat in front of me and all of a sudden started to take out plenty of alcohol bottles they hid in their pockets, sleeves and cleavages and put it in a bag together. maybe they were shoplifters or something, i don't know, haha.

london is full of crazy people.

# 310 london impressions

my absolute dream flat. some kind of church tower full of graffiti. the windows looked like you can actually live there and if you crawl out of those, you can walk on the roof and there's something like a balcony around the tower. how incredibly lovely is that!!!

chinese new year

# 303 btw

do i have any readers from london?


 .

# 300

ich habe den verdacht, dass die londoner manchmal absichtlich falsche wegbeschreibungen geben, nur um die "touristen" ein bisschen umherzuscheuchen, haha.

(i'm just kidding, sonst sind sie eigentlich immer sehr enthusiastisch, wenn es darum geht, mich verlorenen trottel an mein ziel zu bringen. ich sollte mir vielleicht mal ein smartphone zulegen, sehr praktisch in solchen fällen, die dinger!)

# 296

am samstag war ich auf einer hausparty. ich kannte kaum jemanden, aber das war auch gut so, ich brauch neue gesichter. sehr interessantes material dabei gewesen. die verschiedensten charaktere, hintergründe und benehmen, sehr bunt gemixt. nicht wirklich edel, aber doch eine gewisse klasse, ein bisschen roh und kahl vielleicht, an anderen stellen wiederum voller wärme, so ist london irgendwie für mich.

am liebsten hatte ich die australier, die an dem tag zum ersten mal schnee in ihrem ganzen leben gesehen haben. es war unglaublich herzerwärmend, ihnen zuzusehen, wie sie sich vor kindlicher freude gar nicht mehr einkriegen konnten und unaufhörlich schneeengel machten und schneemänner bauten.

manche menschen da haben mich wiederum verwirrt. bei ihnen schwankte man zwischen "omg sind die nett, ich ertrinke in freundlichkeit!" und "moment mal, iwas stimmt da doch nicht", weil sie immer sowas unterschwellig spöttisches, bissiges an sich hatten, aber ansonsten fast schon ekelhaft freundlich und höflich waren.

und omg, der SMALL TALK. wie ich den nicht mehr abkann. kurz namen, alter und herkunft abchecken ist total in ordnung, aber die frage "oh, where about in germany?" kann ich schon nicht mehr hören. als wenn das jemanden ernsthaft interessieren würde..

# 282

ich muss da mal mit einem vorurteil aufräumen. es heißt ja immer so pauschal, in london regnet es immer. tut es eigentlich echt nicht. es ist größtenteils sehr mild und sonnig hier für die jahreszeit. in norddeutschland ist weitaus schlechteres wetter.

langsam freunde ich mich mit der stadt an. die londoner sind einfach zu verrückt, um nicht herzlichst über sie zu schmunzeln. ich habe es allerdings immer noch nicht realisiert, dass ich hier wirklich in LONDON bin. es ist so komisch, wenn ich z.b. im internet banksys neue street art projekte bewundere und merke "huch, das ist bei mir gleich um die ecke."