i'm just so fed up with those "personality one night stands".
it's always the same: i go out. i meet someone really interesting. the conversations often are funny, mind-expanding, different, sometimes even intimate. but then - whoosh. the rush goes on.
there's this huge amount and variety of people here and it's so easy to connect with them but it's very easy to lose them as well. out of sight, out of mind.
since i came here i felt like alice in wonderland somehow. it's like a giant sit com or freak show around me sometimes and i find it very amusing. that's what i love about london. it never gets boring, it keeps challenging you by constantly throwing different situations and personalities in your face, one weirder than the other.
but after all those months i got a bit dizzy of the spin.
it's hard to be opened and completely yourself in a city like london. i have the feeling i've put way too much effort and energy in people sometimes. i strip down my soul in front of nearly everyone and most of them still keep their masks on or play mind games. it's tiring...
i definitely need a break soon. you can't imagine how much i look forward to have a few friends over for a week very soon. it will be like a little therapy session for me to have people around that i am so close to, where i can relax and just collapse into their arms.
because it frightens me a bit what have become of me. i feel very tense and insecure and tired.
the other day someone told me he was worried because he and his friends noticed that i'm way too paranoid and very quiet and that doesn't sound like me at all.